Saturday, November 21, 2009
What would you do
if the one you really want to stay with, has to leave you soon?
if you can't stop imagine life without him/her?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.
But a bird that stalks
down its narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful thrill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings for freedom
The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing
The caged bird sings
with a fearful thrill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.
Being a free bird...
A free bird has all the freedom it wants. It can fly freely to anywhere its wings take it to. It can explore the world, search for its food, soar in the sky, fly above the sea, meet other birds...
"he calls to the sky his own"
the entire sky is its home - unbounded by anything.
Being a caged bird...
A caged bird doesn't have the opportunity to see the world beyond the bars. Its wings are clipped, feet are tied. Due to the narrow space of the cage, its movement is severely restricted.
"bars of rage" refers to the cage.
Why rage? Because the bird is angry - it is trapped - it is held against its will.
A caged bird sings with a fearful thrill.
rage + fear = a great deal of insecurity, unhappiness and anger
Rage: (anger) being caged, trapped, its freedom is denied
Fear: of never being free, of being harmed
"grave of dreams" : again, it's another metaphor for the cage
Here, it provokes another issue -
it's merely alive, not living.
The caged bird has no freewill, it has nothing to look forward to, all of its dreams are doomed to die.
Being alive: physical state of existence
Living: enjoying life, living life to the fullest
"his shadow shouts a nightmare scream"
the caged bird is merely alive. Its very existence is like that of a shadow - no form, nothing concrete. The caged bird lives in a cage (the "grave of dreams") and so it has no real forms, no real importance.
so that even its most frightening scream is silent.
"the things unknown but longed for still"
"sings of freedom"
The two lines suggest that the caged bird has never known freedom, never known what life beyond the bars is like. Yet, it has a deep longing for freedom. A poignant desire for freedom.
"so he opens his throat to sing"
Its voice = sad + fear + anger + sorrow
This is the only part of the bird that can 'fly' - it is the one things that the bird can set free!
I was deeply stirred by this poem when i studied it. Wanted to share it but I always didn't have the time to do so. Somehow, i feel for the bird, it's just a bird but it sounds so like someone. Having dreams unfulfilled without even trying, it feels utterly mortally awful. However, life still rolls on ey? Whether you like it or not, you are still gonna live it.
Merely alive or living? Aah, that's another problem again.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Today
with my tongue.
I think i have done the same thing over and over again. I told myself not to hurt her anymore, i know she is living in pain now as well. I should just keep this to my own, and don't ever let it out. One person carries the pain is enough already. I don't know what to do too. Sometimes, i just cant bear it anymore.
Can't pretend that it doesn't matter to me.
But.
Don't worry, today will be the last day. I will not repeat it. I will not say the same thing to you again.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Gimme a break!
this you-guess-i-guess game is going to end.
WHATEVER it is. I'm tired.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Sunday :)
Okay, hmmm. Wednesday - I went back to school. I had lost the courage to step back to school ever since i left all of a sudden. I couldn't believe i left. I thought i would just leave them for one week, after that one week, i would be back. Back to where i want to be, where i think i belong. I went with Niraaj. Standing in front of the prefectorial notice board, i couldnt help having thoughts filling my mind. This is the place i missed. Really, though school changed a lot. Every corner of the school reminds me of all the wonderful memories in school. I wanted to cry, but i think that's a stupid thing to do. Saw a few teachers walking past, but didnt dare to greet them. I was filled with fear. Finally my teacher saw me and walked towards me, "How are you?" I forced out a smile and nodded. "Fine." Teacher, "I heard that you are studying in maktab now. Why would you go? I mean, you've got good results, i'm sure you can cope in form 6 ba. You're not like my other students wor. I think you can do well in form 6 leh. Becoming teacher is not good ah." i bit my lip, not knowing what to say. This is what i fear. I was stirred.
We waited until it's recess time, then Niraaj and i went visiting our friends. I didn't believe i was the one visiting my friends. It didn't feel good. First we went to look for Andy, but he wasn't in class, wait. He dint even go to school that day. Then went up to L6S1 to visit my ex-classmates, and my ex-neighbour. Okay, i seriously hate the word "ex-". Had a short chat with Brendan them. Soon recess was over and they had BIO, so we left. I miss the word 'recess'. Different thoughts and feelings filled me up again.
We went to Swinburne after picking up Andy. The three of us walked in Swinburne like the students over there. Quite cool. And i got to have the chance to feel how a college life is. Everyone is wearing casual, groups of people walking together to their next class, people sitting on the grass - all i wanted to feel! We met up with Evan, Ruby and Jane. And i met Ah Wei too, studying in library oh. Rajin betul. haha. We went to the Spring after that but too bad Evan didnt get to join. In the spring, nothing to do except eat, walk, walk and walk. After lunch at Food Court, the girls went for window shopping. Poor Niraaj and Andy followed here and there until they were tired. They sat at somewhere under the escalator but the girls walked past without spotting them! Niraaj sighed and said that we were really enjoying ourselves till we couldnt see them. LOL! "It's a good practice for us as we will be doing this in the future." ngahaha. You got that right!
Thursday - i met up with my ex-classmates right after my class. Or perhaps i should call it the ex-gang. Brendan, BH them (all guys) and I (a girl). hehe. We had lunch in Saberkas, had a great time that afternoon. Thanks, guys! BH, this is taken in your car!! :p
That evening, i finished my last last LAST assignments. YAY! I was doing the designs for newsletter. No more assignments for this sem. Gosh, i really hate assignments. Not because it's a lot, too difficult, involves tedious process...blah! It's because it is not practical at all. How well can it judge, assess and evaluate a student? That night, (a night to celebrate?) the whole class went to Hartz Chicken. Guess who i saw there? Ah Siang! LOL. Actually the girls and i planned to go Kado. What to do? This week then! ;)
Saturday - did nothing much. Morning, was having a great date with my piano. I am learning a new song now. Clementine. LOL, feminine of my brother. xD Clement, Clementine. hehe. It's a beautiful song. Really enjoy myself playing it. And i am also learning "Do You" by Yiruma. Gosh, another lovely song, it's very soothing. Afternoon, working. Night, youth.
Sunday - woke up to the chirping sounds of birds. It's a beautiful morning! :) After church we went to grandma's place and brought her out for lunch. Before we left, my uncle told me some of the teachers in school said it's really sad cuz i left. Cuz i wasn't like other Straight A's students. Sighh. I was stirred, again. Well, i believe i could do it too but. i dunno. i'll just have to carry on with my life like this until. until...actually, i dunno until when too.
I had laksa for lunch, cuz couldnt find anything else to eat. :( After that went to Boulevard. Gracie and I went straight to Popular, we both love books. :) Gracie was sitting on the floor reading story books while i was browsing through racks and racks of novels. In the end, couldn't resist the temptation so i bought 3 which cost me, um..RM180+ i think. Bought Cecelia Ahern's The Gift, have a little faith by Mitch Albom, The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. :D I had an impulse to buy books. Actually i saw another edition of The Gift, at a cheaper price too. But i wanted it in the silver design, so i didnt even tell daddy. =X Just for the design, it cost me another RM30+. Wanted to buy more, but dad doesn't allow. :( So, i still have a few in my book list.
1) Things I Want My Daughters to Know.
2) The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas
3) The Joy Luck Club
4) Starting Over
5) To Kill a Mocking Bird
Hmm, there are some other books in my list, but cant recall any at the moment. Oh yea, just well, in case anyone of you wants to buy me those books, (who knows, haha) let me know yea, so that i wont be buying them. :) hehe. When i reached home, i happily showed my sis those new books. And she told me she has for one more day and the five people you meet in heaven, both by Mitch Albom. I want i want i want! :)
Oh ya, after buying my books, we went to the fourth floor. I didnt know such place existed! It's a fun place.
They are cute, aren't they? :)
Some pictures from last week...
power puff girls.Actually, i want to post another entry on something which stirs me a lot recently. Perhaps tonight, or tomorrow. or when i am free lah.
complicated.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
What kind of babies are you?
---------------JANUARY BABY----------------- ---
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth.
Stubborn.
----------FEBRUARY BABY ------------ --------
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
------------ -----MARCH BABY ------------ --------
Attractive personality. S#xy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.
------------ ------APRIL BABY ------------ -------
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and travelling. Systematic. hot but has brains.
-----------------MAY BABY -----------------
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and
highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite gender.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited.
------------ JUNE BABY -------------
You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!!
------------ ----JULY BABY ------------ --
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be with friends ... Always ! brood about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
------------ AUGUST BABY ------------ ---
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind-hearted. Self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an 'every thing's peachy' attitude. likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of 'that someone'. longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by 'no pain no gain' caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious. 'charming' or 'beautiful' to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.
------------ SEPTEMBER BABY ------------ ---
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality.. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.
---------------OCTOBER BABY -------------------
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily.. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.
------------ ---NOVEMBER BABY ------------ --------
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.
------------ ---DECEMBER BABY ------------ ---
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months! (muahaha... you are so right! xp) Loyal and generous. (maybe. :D) Patriotic. (nahh, no comments.) Competitive in everything. (Competitive, yes. But not in everything) Active in games and interactions. (How could this be wrong? haha)
Impatient and hasty. (em, true. get ticked off easily) Ambitious. (haha, you got me. I AM.) Influential in organizations. (as in showing leadership qualities? hmm, ask my kakia a.k.a. members first. lol) Fun to be with. (OF COURSE LA!) Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. (is it always hard to understand what i want to convey? I know sometimes i do talk a lil sophisticated.) Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. (Aah, right. it IS complicated.) Easily influenced by kindness. (of course lo, i don't have a stone in my heart k? haha) Polite and soft-spoken. (true ture, that's me...) Having lots of
ideas. (well, they just never run dry. xD) Sensitive. (I am, so be careful when you are talking to me. You never know which word you use will hurt my tiny little fragile heart made of glass.) Active mind. (right. especially when night comes.) Hesitating, tends to delay. (always! LOL) Choosy and always wants the best. (Aah! That's definitely ME.)
Temperamental. (human being ma. i feel things.) Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. (Well, who does not agree with this? huh? lol) Good debating skills. (especially when quarrel eh. ;D) Has that someone always on his/her mind. (oops! *blushed* how do you know? haha) Talkative. (yeah, always, in a good and helpful way though. ehe ehe.) Daydreamer. (Oh well, "Nothing happens unless we first dream. -Carl Sandburg-" So people, continue building your castles in the air xD Just remember don't let lecturers catch you!)
Friendly.. Knows how to make friends. (haih ya, that's me liao lah, hoho) Abiding. (lasting long and not changing? hmm.)
Able to show character. (agree, i definitely have my own special character. have you discovered it? if not, continue then. :D haha) one guy/girl kind of person. (i don't really get what does this mean.) Loveable. (haha. This won't be wrong. lol) Easily hurt. (yeah, so don't hurt me k?) Prone to getting colds. (i should say it's a 'yes'. and i'm sorry.) loves music. (Awww, you really know me!)
- - -
tick! i am a December baby. haha. and the ALL the personalities mentioned are so accurate! Do you not agree? lol.
